I’m long overdue for a new post to the blog so I thought I’d get back into the swing of things with yet another Logg List. We all have these things in our houses… you know the things that just drive you up a fucking wall and that pretty just make your day shittier? I figure it doesn’t hurt to share the ones I have with you guys.
#5 Little Tykes space hogging car
First of all let me state that for reasons totally unknown to me, this outdoor toy is kept inside at my house. It’s fucking gigantic, and there is no logical place to store this thing. Not to mention I can barely get in and out of any doorways where the fucking thing resides. Push to the side and it’s just in the way of something else. Fuck this thing.
#4 Shin-high table of doom
Yet another thing that’s in my living room for my kids. They use it to eat at, play with toys on.. all that kid stuff. This little fucker manages to be EXACTLY the height of my shin, and about half the time I walk past it I bedazzle myself with scrapes and black blue marks from running into it’s perfectly sharp corners.
#3 The god-damned phone console for the business.
I run a business out of my home, and because it’s a motel, I have 22 rooms that are all hooked up to the phone system. This ancient fucking relic is the most complicated clusterfuck of buttons and bullshit I have ever seen. I literally cringe every time I use it.
#2 Motherfucking giant fish
As mentioned, I run a motel. The owner of the motel runs a fishing charter and often rents rooms to local fishermen. I haven’t fished in about 28 years or so. I don’t like fishing, and I can’t even swim. I fucking hate the water with a passion. This giant fish is the first thing you see when you walk into the motel office. Fishermen ask me every god damned detail about the thing on a regular basis. I know nothing about it. Ugh.
#1 Haunted child gate.
This child gate is above and beyond the WORST thing inside my house. It keeps the dog and the littlest child away from the dangers in my kitchen. It’s also the gateway to a room that CONSTANTLY gets used so your options are to either take the gate down every time you enter or to step over it. Being the lazy fuck that I am, I almost always to try to hurdle it on my way to the fridge. 9 out of ten times this either ends up in me bashing my foot/leg into it and getting hurt, or going full-on through the gate like Kool-Aid man on a bender. This thing will kill me one day.
So there you go. I hate those things in my house.