2012 Halloween Costume Spectacular, Part Two: Costumes for the ladies

It’s good to be back with the next installment of the LOGG 64 2012 Halloween Spectacular. This post is a personal favorite of my mine, as it will take us on a wonderful journey through absolutely terrible costumes for women.

There are some shitty costume out there, folks. But the ones for women get an extra push to awfulness by simply adding the word “sexy” in front of them. Absolutely EVERYTHING has a sexy version these days, and many of the costumes below fit that description.

Enjoy some more fucking awful costumes that any woman should just be ashamed to wear.

HONK! HONK!

CLOWNS ARE NOT FUCKING SEXY

Unless you are sexually into clowns, that is. But honestly as the years have gone by I think that I know more people who are afraid of clowns than not. If you’re not at a circus, in a parade or entertaining at a child’s birthday party there is absolutely no reason to dress as a clown. And ladies, clowns just aren’t sexy. They’re crazy. Don’t be the crazy girl.

I have caps lock on MY VAGINA.

SEXY NERDGIRL

This is so fucking cliche it makes me sick. Based on about a million shitty B movies and bad hard rock videos, this costume tries to make nerdy sexy.  We’ve seen it a million times, and lets face reality: despite what Maxim likes to tell you, real nerd girls are ugly and fat. I repeat UGLY AND FAT. Stop getting the hopes up of nerds around the world. It’s just wrong.

Can you count the dick references?

FUN DIP GIRL

This breaks so many of my costume rules it’s not even funny. First off, it’s food. I’ve already went over the fact that food costumes suck in Part 1 of this years Spectacular. But it also serves as a virtual treasure trove of potential dick references and jokes, most of which will result from the lucky woman who gets to carry the LICK EM STICK. I can only assume this is the costume for the spouse of the dude who dresses as bad dick jokes for Halloween (see Part 1). Please don’t humiliate your woman like this.

MONEY!!!!

GENE SIMMONS (the Demon)

I can’t decide if this costume is supposed to be of Gene Simmons himself, or of a sad and old KISS groupie. Regardless, just because you put a skirt on this costume doesn’t make it any less horrifying. The thought of Gene Simmons with tits is a scary one at that, but it still doesn’t justify wearing this awful getup. Please leave guy costumes for guys.

As Chris Hanson waits around the corner….

CHILD PAGEANT CONTESTANT

Ah yes, the most disturbing costume of this years bunch, the CHILD beauty pageant contestant. This can only be the result of television glorifying these horrible things on a regular basis. What kind of fucking pedophile comes home with this fucking costume for his woman? What woman with any sort of self respect lowers herself to this level? And are the police tracking sales of this costume? We can only hope.

Now THAT is sexy.

HOLY BALLS IT’S A BLOWUP DOLL

There’s just plain wrong, like the pageant costume, and then there is just plain fucking disturbing. This one fits the bill. I am already having nightmares about this one, and most of them end in some type of murder-suicide. I swear to god, I couldn’t find a woman who would dress this way on Halloween if I put up a  sweet million dollars for pictures. And that’s when I realized that some DUDE probably gets into this fucking thing and jacks off in a mirror. Oh fuck, the horror.

DUH DUH… DUH DUH..

REALLY?! A SHARK?

This is just a costume that pushes what a sexy costume can be. A shark? Sexy? Holy fucking stupid. What next? A sexy 2X4? Sexy gorilla? FUCK DUDES.

This must be the Becky described in the Sir Mix-a-Lot video.

BIG-BUTTED GIRL

This is for the girl who wants to be an object in the eyes of men. It’s a simple formula. Take a body part dudes like, and exaggerate the hell out of it in cartoonish fashion. The mean reason this is on the list is that I can’t imagine any girl wearing it without being totally ashamed of herself.

Strong to the finish.

SEXY POPEYE

This costume takes probably the ugliest fucking cartoon character of all time and attempts to make it sexy.  And it fails miserably. Popeye was pretty fucking hard on the ol’ eyes and a female version is just awful. I don’t understand these male character-turned sexy female costumes at all. Who would want go this route for Halloween when there are plenty of costumes designed for your particular sex that don’t look retarded?

SO. PLAYED. OUT.

UGH. BACON.

The internet as a whole needs to just fucking get over the bacon craze. It was cool and funny 5 years ago, but that shit is so fucking played out now that I almost wish I would never see bacon again. Stay away from played out shit like this to avoid looking stupid.

So there you go ladies, ten ways to not embarrass yourself for Halloween. Stay tuned to LOGG 64 for our 3rd installment of this years Spectacular in the coming week or so.

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