2012 Halloween Costume Spectacular, Part Two: Costumes for the ladies

It’s good to be back with the next installment of the LOGG 64 2012 Halloween Spectacular. This post is a personal favorite of my mine, as it will take us on a wonderful journey through absolutely terrible costumes for women.

There are some shitty costume out there, folks. But the ones for women get an extra push to awfulness by simply adding the word “sexy” in front of them. Absolutely EVERYTHING has a sexy version these days, and many of the costumes below fit that description.

Enjoy some more fucking awful costumes that any woman should just be ashamed to wear.

HONK! HONK!

CLOWNS ARE NOT FUCKING SEXY

Unless you are sexually into clowns, that is. But honestly as the years have gone by I think that I know more people who are afraid of clowns than not. If you’re not at a circus, in a parade or entertaining at a child’s birthday party there is absolutely no reason to dress as a clown. And ladies, clowns just aren’t sexy. They’re crazy. Don’t be the crazy girl.

I have caps lock on MY VAGINA.

SEXY NERDGIRL

This is so fucking cliche it makes me sick. Based on about a million shitty B movies and bad hard rock videos, this costume tries to make nerdy sexy.  We’ve seen it a million times, and lets face reality: despite what Maxim likes to tell you, real nerd girls are ugly and fat. I repeat UGLY AND FAT. Stop getting the hopes up of nerds around the world. It’s just wrong.

Can you count the dick references?

FUN DIP GIRL

This breaks so many of my costume rules it’s not even funny. First off, it’s food. I’ve already went over the fact that food costumes suck in Part 1 of this years Spectacular. But it also serves as a virtual treasure trove of potential dick references and jokes, most of which will result from the lucky woman who gets to carry the LICK EM STICK. I can only assume this is the costume for the spouse of the dude who dresses as bad dick jokes for Halloween (see Part 1). Please don’t humiliate your woman like this.

MONEY!!!!

GENE SIMMONS (the Demon)

I can’t decide if this costume is supposed to be of Gene Simmons himself, or of a sad and old KISS groupie. Regardless, just because you put a skirt on this costume doesn’t make it any less horrifying. The thought of Gene Simmons with tits is a scary one at that, but it still doesn’t justify wearing this awful getup. Please leave guy costumes for guys.

As Chris Hanson waits around the corner….

CHILD PAGEANT CONTESTANT

Ah yes, the most disturbing costume of this years bunch, the CHILD beauty pageant contestant. This can only be the result of television glorifying these horrible things on a regular basis. What kind of fucking pedophile comes home with this fucking costume for his woman? What woman with any sort of self respect lowers herself to this level? And are the police tracking sales of this costume? We can only hope.

Now THAT is sexy.

HOLY BALLS IT’S A BLOWUP DOLL

There’s just plain wrong, like the pageant costume, and then there is just plain fucking disturbing. This one fits the bill. I am already having nightmares about this one, and most of them end in some type of murder-suicide. I swear to god, I couldn’t find a woman who would dress this way on Halloween if I put up a  sweet million dollars for pictures. And that’s when I realized that some DUDE probably gets into this fucking thing and jacks off in a mirror. Oh fuck, the horror.

DUH DUH… DUH DUH..

REALLY?! A SHARK?

This is just a costume that pushes what a sexy costume can be. A shark? Sexy? Holy fucking stupid. What next? A sexy 2X4? Sexy gorilla? FUCK DUDES.

This must be the Becky described in the Sir Mix-a-Lot video.

BIG-BUTTED GIRL

This is for the girl who wants to be an object in the eyes of men. It’s a simple formula. Take a body part dudes like, and exaggerate the hell out of it in cartoonish fashion. The mean reason this is on the list is that I can’t imagine any girl wearing it without being totally ashamed of herself.

Strong to the finish.

SEXY POPEYE

This costume takes probably the ugliest fucking cartoon character of all time and attempts to make it sexy.  And it fails miserably. Popeye was pretty fucking hard on the ol’ eyes and a female version is just awful. I don’t understand these male character-turned sexy female costumes at all. Who would want go this route for Halloween when there are plenty of costumes designed for your particular sex that don’t look retarded?

SO. PLAYED. OUT.

UGH. BACON.

The internet as a whole needs to just fucking get over the bacon craze. It was cool and funny 5 years ago, but that shit is so fucking played out now that I almost wish I would never see bacon again. Stay away from played out shit like this to avoid looking stupid.

So there you go ladies, ten ways to not embarrass yourself for Halloween. Stay tuned to LOGG 64 for our 3rd installment of this years Spectacular in the coming week or so.

Top 5 things I hate in my house

I’m long overdue for a new post to the blog so I thought I’d get back into the swing of things with yet another Logg List. We all have these things in our houses… you know the things that just drive you up a fucking wall and that pretty just make your day shittier? I figure it doesn’t hurt to share the ones I have with you guys.

#5 Little Tykes space hogging car

Allow me to take up your entire living room.

First of all let me state that for reasons totally unknown to me, this outdoor toy is kept inside at my house. It’s fucking gigantic, and there is no logical place to store this thing. Not to mention I can barely get in and out of any doorways where the fucking thing resides. Push to the side and it’s just in the way of something else. Fuck this thing.

 

 

 

 

 

#4 Shin-high table of doom

Kiss your legs goodbye.

Yet another thing that’s in my living room for my kids. They use it to eat at, play with toys on.. all that kid stuff. This little fucker manages to be EXACTLY the height of my shin, and about half the time I walk past it I bedazzle myself with scrapes and black blue marks from running into it’s perfectly sharp corners.

 

 

 

 

#3 The god-damned phone console for the business.

Hi, I take seven buttons just to answer.

I run a business out of my home, and because it’s a motel, I have 22 rooms that are all hooked up to the phone system. This ancient fucking relic is the most complicated clusterfuck of buttons and bullshit I have ever seen. I literally cringe every time I use it.

 

 

 

 

 

#2 Motherfucking giant fish

Fishing is stupid.

As mentioned, I run a motel. The owner of the motel runs a fishing charter and often rents rooms to local fishermen. I haven’t fished in about 28 years or so. I don’t like fishing, and I can’t even swim. I fucking hate the water with a passion. This giant fish is the first thing you see when you walk into the motel office. Fishermen ask me every god damned detail about the thing on a regular basis. I know nothing about it. Ugh.

 

 

 

#1 Haunted child gate.

ENJOY YOUR TRIP LOL.

This child gate is above and beyond the WORST thing inside my house. It keeps the dog and the littlest child away from the dangers in my kitchen. It’s also the gateway to a room that CONSTANTLY gets used so your options are to either take the gate down every time you enter or to step over it. Being the lazy fuck that I am, I almost always to try to hurdle it on my way to the fridge. 9 out of ten times this either ends up in me bashing my foot/leg into it and getting hurt, or going full-on through the gate like Kool-Aid man on a bender. This thing will kill me one day.

So there you go. I hate those things in my house.

The LOGG 64 Wrestlemania Craptacular

Tomorrow brings us the 28th edition of the annual spring tradition known as Wrestlemania. The Showcase of Immortals, the Super Bowl of wrestling, the big show… etc… etc.

Rather than attempt to be some shitty wrestle-nerd site that gets you pumped for this annual hit to the pocketbook, LOGG 64 is going to remind everyone of some of then not-so classic moments that have occured at Wrestlemania. I am proud to present:

The Shittiest Moments in Wrestlemania History

#5 George Wells puke all over himself

In this not-so classic Wrestlemania 2 matchup we have Jake the Snake Roberts vs some fuckhead named George Wells. Jake gets the obvious victory in around 5 minutes, but George Wells leaves us with the ever-lasting moment of what can only be described as “Foaming at the mouth, or basically puke” while Jake’s Snake Damien is wrapped around his neck.

#4 RUN DMC’s Wrestlemania Rap

Celebrities are no strangers to Wrestlemania. Stars from the worlds of movies, sports, tv and music have always been a big part of the show. This induction into my Hall of SHIT however goes to one of the greatest rap acts of all time. Run DMC.I know what you’re thinking,”how could that be bad?”… well just listen to this shiny turd they call the Wrestlemania Rap.

#3 King Kong Bundy hates him some midgets

King Kong Bundy basically the only guy in history to go from the Wrestlemania main event to literally working some shitty freak match the next year. This one is a true legendary gem as many wrestling fans remember it just as clearly as they remember Hulk Hogan bodyslamming Andre the Giant at the same show. Bundy delivers a bodyslam and a brutal elbow onto a fallen midget at the end of the match. All midgets join forces despite being on opposite teams to get the fuck outta dodge when it looks like Bundy is going to start splashing them into oblivion.

#2 Brock Lesnar VS Bill Goldberg

This one looks god-damned awesome on paper. it even had Stone Cold Steve Austin as the referee!! But if you add a dab of “these guys are both leaving the WWE after this match” with a touch of “this is a fucking New York crowd who is hostile as fuck” you get one of the true awful moments in Wrestlemania history. The crowd absolutely took a SHIT on this match and both of the guys in it. I mean BOOED OUT OF THE FUCKING BUILDING. The match starts out with YOU SOLD OUT chants. This match is the bizarro version of the legendary Hogan vs Rock match at Wrestlemania 18.

#1 The Undertaker HANGS the fucking Big Bossman

As if kicking his ass inside Hell in a Cell wasn’t enough, at Wrestlemania 15 the Undertaker decided to up the ante by attempting to MURDER his fallen foe. With a guest appearance by 2012 Hall of Fame inductee Edge, I proudly present the dumbest god damned thing I’ve ever seen at Wrestlemania. And I started watching Wrestlemania’s with number TWO. Seriously. I have no life.

WHAT.THE.FUCK.

Logg64 readers are fucked up, dude.

The other day I was going through the stats for Logg 64 and feeling pretty good about the current level of readership I get. For a small-time blog with no clear direction, Logg 64 does okay. While going through these stats I decided to take a quick look at the search engine terms people used when ending up on the blog, and to say the least I was blown away. The ways people get here range from exactly how I would guess to completely fucking bizarre.

Here is a short list of the most fucked things people searched only to end up on my little blog.

The power is yours, lover of dracula blowjobs!

-humiliate women

-monkey rape

-halloween asses

-vincent price dead body pictures

-smart and slutty

-dracula blowjob

-cum covered halloween costumes

-cock blocker

-honky bullshit

So yeah, as you can see I get some real gems via Google. But now that I think about it, all these people actually came to the right place! We’re totally hitting the demographic folks.

Costumes to humiliate women.

If you thought we were going to leave out all of the really pitiful costumes the ladies can dress up in this year, you were dead wrong.

We’ve got an even stronger list of horrible shit to show you. Guys, do yourself a favor and don’t force your woman into any of these for any reason whatsoever. She’ll hate you forever.

Swampy, green fungus lady?

Swampy, green fungus lady?

Light up loser

Light up loser

Fanboy orgasm

Fanboy orgasm

Lame spoon.

Lame spoon.

Crazy ex-girlfriend?

Crazy ex-girlfriend?

Pat-my-ass stewardess

Pat-my-ass stewardess

A trick?

A trick?

Everyday object

Everyday object

Too ugly to wear a sexy costume.

Too ugly to wear a sexy costume.

Forced to wear this

Forced to wear this

Smart but slutty.

Smart but slutty.

BORK BORK BORK

BORK BORK BORK

NO I AM NOT WEARING THAT TO THE BAR

NO I AM NOT WEARING THAT TO THE BAR

Dog's wife?

Dog's wife?

Monkey rape

Monkey rape

Pictured on a dude, 100 times funnier on a lady

Pictured on a dude, 100 times funnier on a lady

Brutal Halloween costumes for guys

Since we’ve already covered how to ruin Halloween for the youngsters it’s time to continue our in-depth Halloween coverage with the costumes for guys. As you can only imagine this consists of an endless carousel of penis jokes.

I mean I am embarrassed just to have seen half of this shit. Even worse, I left out a lot of awful ones that I couldn’t bring myself to share. Halloween is ruined forever.

Dracula getting a blowjob

Dracula getting a blowjob

Baked 4:20.. GET IT? HUR HUR.

Baked 4:20.. GET IT? HUR HUR.

Wolves have ho's?

Wolves have ho's?

Muscular cum.

Muscular cum.

Hillbilly gentleman having sex with animal.

Hillbilly gentleman having sex with animal.

I am a woman, but with a hairy cunt!!

I am a woman, but with a hairy cunt!!

Desperate for attention and a handjob.

Desperate for attention and a handjob.

Current Transformers Bumblebee?

Current Transformers Bumblebee?

My cock is ring toss

My cock is ring toss

Honky Hammer?

Honky Hammer?

I IS A PUSSY MAGNET?! HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE!

I IS A PUSSY MAGNET?! HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE!

Cock-block. Fuck this guy.

Cock-block. Fuck this guy.

Just muscles? Really?

Just muscles? Really?

I fucked a fish and then caught it fishing?

I fucked a fish and then caught it fishing?

Uhm.... I am a large sack?

Uhm.... I am a large sack?

15 Halloween Costumes that make you a shitty parent.

With Halloween upon us, I feel it’s important to run through all of the shittiest ways you could humiliate your child this year.