Since it’s inception, LOGG 64 has done a yearly article showing off the worst choices in Halloween wear for the season. It’s the most popular article of the year, and I get a fuckton of hits just from people searching for shitty costumes. And as always, I STILL can’t believe the fucking SHIT that gets mass produced. And as painful as these articles are to write, I am proud to bring you this year’s inductees to the LOGG 64 shitty costume Hall of Fame. Holy Christ, they just get worse every year.
Part 2 Costumes for the ho’s.
Every year women are forced to cram themselves into retarded “sexy” costumes for the pleasure of stupid men. Seriously, they have like ZERO options. Every costume is a variation of some shit but in a slutty skirt. I tried to find the biggest piles of shit I could for the ladies this year, and boy DID IT WORK.’
A GOD DAMNED PILGRIM LADY
Somewhere, in the middle of nowhere is nobody who is dying to be a FEMALE PILGRIM for Halloween. What the fuck did female pilgrims even do besides make fucking dinner for the men and the Indians? Not A WHOLE FUCKING LOT. That’s what. I’ll give you this much. You would really stand out at a party in this.
Oh, what they won’t make into a sexy costume. This fucking dandy combines your love off carbs and sluts. The funny thing about it is that you can’t actually EAT hamburgers and pull it off, because your fat fucking ass and thunder thighs will fall out all over the place. Can’t wait next year for SEXY McNUGGET.
SEXY—- OH WAIT YOU ARE PREGNANT AND NOT SEXY
Ah yes, Halloween. The holiday that forgets pregnant women. You see the only costumes for a pregnant woman are bullshit joke ones like this, or being a bunch of grapes. Or maybe a circus tent. Anyway, I can’t imagine Halloween being worth two shits for ladies who are expecting, and this piece of shit costume proves it. Wait. They DO LOVE CHOCOLATE.
CHICKS DIG RAINBOWS, RIGHT?
Just because they liked drawing them on their notebooks in High School doesn’t mean they actually want to BE ONE. I am convinced these are leftover from Gay Pride Parades because I can’t fathom anyone else actually walking around in one. I’m not saying Gay Pride Parades are bad, just fucking rainbow costumes.
SERIOUSLY? THAT’S IT?
A Diet fucking Coke. Not even a regular Coke. Not even a Fresca. Nothing says “I got this at the last minute” like this costume. At least nobody will ask you what the fuck you are supposed to be. It’s pretty fucking obvious.
THE “MOAN”A LISA. GET IT?
It would seriously take one arrogant bitch who thinks something along the lines of “I am a work of art, just like her” to actually have the vaginal walls to wear this. Or maybe some nerdy-ass art chick. Regardless, it is completely brutal to look at, and likely would barely conjure up someones smile for about 3 seconds. You look, you smile, you walk away mumbling about how dumb it is.
A CAN OF OLD FUCKING MILWAUKEE!?
We live in a world where this is an actual OPTION. For chicks at Halloween. I am trying to picture to myself the girl with a checklist of costume ideas who has “CAN OF OLD MILWAUKEE” on the top of the list. This is one of those costumes a dude MAKES a chick wear. AND SHE’LL WEAR IT WITH PRIDE, DAMMIT. You Hipster piece of shit you.
DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING?
Dude, it’s just so fucking WRONG. I honestly leave this one at that. I don’t know what kind of person it takes to wear this, but I am pretty sure I don’t want to meet them. Nothing says SKANK like Penthouse. Fuck.
I give you Sexy Mario. I am sure the mere idea of this will inspire some pathetic fucking Nintendo fan-boy to begin pulling his pud like there’s no tomorrow. I remember when Mario was innocent, and a fun-loving character for kids. Now he’ll give you handjobs in an alley for Microsoft Points or Playstation BUCKZ or whatever the fuck those consoles deal in. My childhood is dead. And so is Halloween.
Stay tuned to see if I can meet the oncoming deadline and present the costumes for KIDS. I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t make it in time. They are BAD this year.